Untitled

Today had been a day that I wish I never had to live! We have worked so very hard for everything we have and yet we are in a situation where we may just lose it all! We had dreams for this year to be our greatest and yet so far it has been our worst! I was given the lush option to not have to work because King's job was enough and more to take care of us, At the end of January he was laid off with no known return date. At that time we were current on all of our bills and had a nice savings. As of today we no longer have a savings and had to cash in what little he had in his 401k plan just to pay what we could on the house hold bills. King was denied unemployment for some stupid reason and thank to the debt in Illinois it is unlikely he will receive it. For the past two weeks I have spent countless hours online appling for jobs that most highschool students would work ( fast food, gas stations, etc). I have started back to work for a temp company that only works me 2 hours a day and now they want me to only work 5 hours a week. We can't live like this! I am looking around at all I have worked so hard for and the thought that we are so close to losing it all just makes me break down and cry and I find it hard to pick myself up off the floor to get motivated to do anything. I put on a front to everyone that things are so good and that we are just slightly in trouble. I don't want people to talk about me at their dinner tables and have pity on me for getting in this situation! When it comes to family we don't have anyone with the means of helping us out until we get back on our feet, and we cuss ourselves and wonder if doing things the honest way is the right way!
I mean think about it! When drug dealers don't get caught they have no money worries they have new clothes, nice cars, bills paid and they never have to worry where the next dollar is coming from. And yet we work we pay our taxes don't get public assistance, we work til our sweat starts to sweat and this is what we got in return! I dream of bigger and better things and tell myself to have faith and pray that things will get better and I am just so frustrated that we can't get ahead no matter what we do. Are we just doomed to fail and fight for a good life? Are we not worth having our dreams? Why can grown adults be allowed to be completley dependent on others and never have to struggle like I have been. I mean you have a few kids, a car you didn't have to pay for a home that you don't have to pay any bills nor do you have to clean up after yourself or your children, and yet they are REWARDED for it. King and I work hard to pay our bills and take care of our children and there is no REWARD we have been given. We don't get a pat on our back when we bring home a pay check or pay the bills. It is said that when Prayers go up, Blessings come down! Well where is my blessing cause I have sent up countless prayers.
Dear Lord, I am tired, I am scared! I don't want to lose what I have fought for so hard. I need a break, I need you to carry me through this and help me. AMEN