COLOR BLIND

I have been in an interracial relationship for 5 years now! Not that I haven't ever been in on this is just the longest and by far the best relationship I have been in. My parents didn't raise their children to be racist but they didn't encourage nor discourage interracial dating. I grew up in a town of few to no other race other than Caucasian, not that that made me curious. I did not get into this relationship for the "shock value" of it! I didn't fall in love with King because he was African American. I fell in love with his heart and his mind. He wasn't bad looking in my opinion either.

I can't say that my family embraced my relationship but at the start things were rocky between us and yes "things" happened that disappointed them. My family is still not close to him nor is he close to them. As for his family I don't think they have quite figured out that I am white!lol They have welcomed me into the family with open arms and made me one of them! We have no children together and my children when they were around him they loved him. His daughter is 10 and me and her have had our ups and downs but that is to be expected with step children/parents. I love my step daughter just as I love my own kids! She at the start seemed to be a bit upset that her daddy was with a white woman but soon realized I was no different only in color.

I don't know if I am just used to people looking at us or I just don't care. People are entitled to there opinion just as I am entitled to love whom I want to. I am sure that African American woman talk about me in a bad way and say things behind my back but, I really don't care. I am a strong, independent woman with out with a man of any race. I will always be ME before I am a WE! Nothing about my relationship bothers me because I am comfortable! I love the skin I am in! I say let people talk and say what they want because in the end ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME!

Ok this picture reminded me of this time when my mom and sisters at Easter time put all the black and white jelly beans in my Easter basket! We all laughed it doesn't offend me not one bit! I love black and white cows, I have a black and white dog, heck my kitchen is designed in black and white!lol It just doesn't bother me! I am confident I feel like I have a beautiful relationship and I am truly blessed to have this man in my life! He has taught me to be stronger than I was to stand up for myself and not care about outside forces and focus on what is best for me and my family! He gives me 100% support in everything I do! He works to take care of me when I am in need he does what ever he has to to make sure I am well taken care of and want for nothing. Which is more that I can say for my last relationship which was with a white man!

Jauary 22, 2006

Yea Yea Yea I know this is only a face a mother could love! Well I feel for it too! (lol) How we met......My husband and I had split up for good finally! I was in a situation with my children and my mother was ill and needed help and turns out I needed a place to stay! So I packed up what belongings I had left and moved back to the big old town of White Heath. Once my mom started recovering from an operations I got a job at a call center in Champaign called Americall! Not the best job in the world but a job that I could use to save up money to get a place of my own and move forward as a SINGLE woman! After going through the 2 week training period at work I was moved to first shift and to the call center floor! I noticed this man, he was tall, heavy set, black (obviously) and shaved his head bald, ALL THE THINGS I FIND ATTRACTIVE IN A MAN! So I have my eye on him for a few days but had come to a conclusion on day that he may possible be into men and not women! So yes here is the story behind that thought! One day while in the break room alot of people had orderd pizza, he was standing up eating a slice of pizza when the sauce started to drip everywhere. It was already on his shirt but he went racing across the break room to get a paper towel so that he wouldn't get it on his shoes! COME ONE NOW STRAIGHT MEN DON'T REALLY GIVE A HOOT ABOUT THERE SHOES! I laughed it off and went on about my work and never botherd to pay attention to him again! A few days later while on break I was walking down the sidewalk to the parking lot to smoke a cigarette he stops me saying " Hey Baby Girl what is your name?" my reply was " Hey Hello my name is Brandi!" We small talk and go on about our day not saying another word to each other. The next day at break again I am walking down the sidewalk to smoke a cigarette he stops me again...."Hey Baby Girl whats your name?" I giggle look at him kinds cross eyed and reply " Hey ummmm my name is the same as it was yesterday when you asked. I don't change it everyday!" his reply is...." I drink and smoke to much to remember I am sorry!" That right there threw up a RED flag ugh you drink and smoke! Not a good combo in my book. He asked for my number and just out of fun I give it to know assuming he would FORGET or never call! While that night after work I was on the couch talking to my mom and my phone rings and it is a number I don't recognize so I answered sheepishly. And who to my surprise it was him! We talk about all kinds of things but at this time I have walls up and don't want to let him in quite yet! So we say our goodbyes and I go to sleep really not reading to much into his call! The next day at work, as soon as he comes into work he walks up to me and says " Good Morning Beautiful how did you sleep last night?" I laughed to the point I had tears in my eyes he smiles and walks away and gets to work! That day at break I didn't go out side because I had an appointment next door. When I was walking back in he was standing by the door and he stops me trying to find out why I was next door and why my eyes were swollen with tears. He sits me down to calm me down before I go back in and have everyone see me in shambles! We talked we shared an INNOCENT hug and went back to work! Everynight for about a week he would call right before I would go to bed to say good night! And every morning at work he always made sure he would tell me good morning with his great big dimple filled smile. Not thinking to much into it I assumed he was not into women and he just wanted to be friends...... until one night during one of his phone calls he says " I want to see you and I want to see you tonight! Where do  you live and how do I get there?" WOW really? I am thinking he is having a lonely bored night and maybe just wants some friendly company, So I tell him where I live and how to get to White Heath. Maybe he will come Maybe he won't I have nothing invested so either way I don't get hurt. To my surprise about 30 minutes later he calls to tell me he is there and to come to town with him! Hell I didn't have anything else going on and kinda wanted to get out of the house! We drive around talking, laugh being silly! It was getting late and we both had to work in the morning so I ask for him to take me home. On the way home he began to tell me that he had a girlfriend that he lived with! That is when I knew something was up cause my heart kinda went weak the awww really that is a shame! Until he says they aren't happy she is not the right woman for him and he really enjoys my company and talking to me. WELL I AM NOT A HOMEWRECKER MR. I told him that I would be his friend and would be there for him to talk to but not to expect more from me, he knew I had been cheated on and I know how it feels. So we get to my house and I simple tell him call when you get back to town that way I know you made it safely! He leans over grabs my face and kisses me like I have never been kissed before (you know the fireworks in the eyes kinda kiss the one that makes you almost dizzy) I don't say a word I just get out of the car and go in the house and go to sleep! The next morning the usual good morning greeting with an even bigger smile and he says he needs to talk to me on break! So on break we go to lunch together (taffies if I remember right) He asked what I was doing that night and asked if I wanted to go out on a date with him! A DATE can't hurt i figured! We go to the club, after the club he takes me home to the apartment I started sharing with friends we called me to the door then he walked me to my bed room and well that is where we have been for the last 5 years. Where you see me you see him where you see him you see me! I fit into his arms when he holds me and we fill in each others blanks!



Abigail Annaleigh Wright

This here is Miss. Abigail Annaleigh Wright! The name and the picture just shows that she is my GEM! She came into my life when things couldn't get any worse! October 24th, 2001! At 10:50 pm her tiny body was laid on my chest! She weighed only 6 lbs 14 oz and was 17 inches long! She was sooooooooooooo tiny and yet what most of our family realized how big at heart she really was! She was a fighter from day one! At 3 weeks old she had a bout with phnomea (sp?)! At 3 months old she has a bad case of RSV! Then at 2 years old she had her first fever seziure! All in which she fought back from as if nothing was wrong with her at all! I take all of the blame for her respitory problems. This little girl made such and impact on our whole entire family, she was my parents first granddaughter and her name came from 2 of the most amazing and beautiful people, Ann from her fathers grandmother and Leigh from my father( as well as me)! She was everyones favorite little princess! Her and I spent alot of our days cleaning and cuddling and she loved to watch me cook and do laundry! She is very motherly! She has a heart of gold. Abbi is alot like me she is tough when she needs to be and soft when she needs to be! She sure can show her Diva and Spoiled side often but know when enough is enough! My most favorite memory of Abbi is when we were at a Thanksgiving dinner at our Aunt Shirleys house and her and my dad were in the office area on a sofa, Abbi is curled up on his chest right under his chin alseep and my dad too was asleep holding her! The mere thought of the site made me think that there was a time when I had been in that very place on my dad's chest sound asleep and at peace! This is my daughter the image of me in a smaller form! She too lives with her father full time, but I know that she knows I love her and miss her and think of her everyday! She will always and forever be my Princess Pickles (sometimes sweet and sometimes sour)! I too pray for her and to her everynight. And I know she hears me because late at night when I have trouble sleeping I hear her tiny little voice saying " I love you Mama everything will be ok!" And she couldn't be more true! Everything will be ok and things are going to get better for everyone involved!

Kayden Allen Wright

This is the first boy I ever fell in love with. He made me a mom and a woman! He taught me how to be strong in time when most wound fall and crumble to the ground! July 25th, 1999 at 7:58pm this young man came into my life! Not able to talk to walk or tell me what he thought of me. He and I spend every waking moment together. He was my first cuddle buddy. He gave and still gives me so much joy. I remember him being a few weeks old and having a terrible time sleeping at night, I would lay him on my chest and hum Amazing Grace until he fell asleep! He needed to be close to me he needed my arms around him to make him feel safe in the big old world and I just happend to be the one person he wanted! God gave me this little boy to grow up myself, before him I was irresponsible and very immature. But, when he was put in my arms all I could think of was how me and him were going to rule the world and make it ours. And that everything I did it would be for him! When he was hurt or sick I kissed his boo boo's held his hand and told him that I will always be with him and I would never let go! He as my little man and no one could ever take that from me. He was there for me in so many ways, when I was sick he was there to hold my hand and make sure that I felt better. He always played the role of the man of the house even at a young age! He was there for me when times were horrible he and I got through things that no kid should ever have to go through. But, he always looked at me with eyes filled with so much love. This young man is a big part of my strength! He is now 11 years old! And has been living with his father full time for the last 3 1/2 years. He has not seen me or spoken to me during this time and alot of things have been said to him about me and about my life! But only god can judge me in the end and I pray for and to my son each and every night! I know deep down in my heart he can hear me and he thinks of me as much as I think of him! He is truely be the ANGEL OF MINE!

Just another day in the life of a Princess Behind Castle Walls

So my normal routine on Sunday's is as follows: Make breakfast, do dishes sweep and vacccum all the floors and then mop the ones that need mopped, dust every room in the house and then think of what to prepare for dinner. Some times a nap can get squezzed in some where. But, not today, I was rudely woken by my phone getting a text about every ten seconds. One of my most hated things is to be woken up by a cell phone, but the thing that ercked me the most was it was from the person who I bought my first home computer from. Which mind you I paid for a broken pc. It took them over a week to fix it but then decided to give me another tower which it too did not work. So after talking to a friends husband we were able to get it up and running the way we wanted thanks to a driver program on a flash drive. When we returned home with the flash drive the calls started to come in for when they could pick it up. Mind you I hadn't even plugged it in and got it running. I had NO intentions of hurrying to get it back to them being is they didn't rush to fix my problem. So I guess they felt the need to send me mass text this morning...after snapping on them for waking me up I told her she would have to come to my house to pick it up cause I wasn't goig to show any effort to return it. I know this seems childish but come on I have been paying for home internet service for 2 weeks and was unable to use it and they wouldn't credit my account for the non use. They promised to fix the computer and refund my money......I have the computer and got no money! So alot of it just angerd me enough to make something an inconvience to them!
While King takes a nap I plan on finishing the house work and bake some cookies and plan a fabulous sunday dinner. Sunday's are always the worst days of the week for me. I miss my children the most on this day. I normally sit and ponder what they are doing if they are thinking of me if they remember the things we did together. I miss them so much it literally aches my bones. It has been 3 years since I have been able to touch or talk to them but, I pray for them daily to be strong and safe and know that shortly things will be diffrent. My next two posts I will be dedicating to them and tell you all about how wonderful and beautiful they are. And how much they have made me the woman I am today! So for now I sign off and clean my castle!

Just who I am!

Hello readers, This is my first blog ever! So I thought the best way to get started is to tell you a bit about me that way you would get a better understanding of myself and the way I think and feel! Ok? So here goes! I am 32 I have two children that currently live with the father for reasons I am sure to get into sometime in the future. I am the middle child of 5(yes5) girls. I am proud to say that my parents are still happily married! I currently do not work but with in the next few weeks I will be attending Concepts Cosmetology School! I have a boyfriend that I have been with for 5 years this past January! Most don't really care for him but it doesn't bother me because he is the most caring wonderful man that I have ever met. He is 9 years older that me but acts as if he were 9 years old all together. We love and live hard and wouldn't have it any other way! We will call him......King! I have two dogs both are pit bulls, Khalija and Zeus. They are really the ones who rule our house! We live in a 3 bedroom house that we love it is quite and peaceful and we for the most part left alone to live our life the way we want to. We both have BIG dreams and have an amazing amount of FAITH that we will get all that we wish for! We love our families and hate the distance between us all. I have never been real close to my two older sisters but think that I have a good relationship with my younger two. Lil Bit (who isn't the youngest but the baby) Is dynamite. She is small but when needs to be she is 10 foot tall and bullet proof! Angel (who is the youngest sister of mine) has the most amazing heart and soul you can ever find in a person. She will go with out so that you can have. She does more than is asked of her and goes above and beyond! She in my eyes is a big part of the glue that holds our family together!
So now you have a little but of insite into my world! I hope to be able to keep you interested enough to keep reading!